Three Things I Wish I'd Done Before Leaving Therapy

In my twenties, I attended therapy to learn to think differently. I was in and out of college, disoriented, curious about the thoughts holding me back. I contemplated my road to recovery in a warm, spacious office on the Outpatient Behavioral Health unit at Western Maryland Regional Hospital. The help came from a brilliant counselor who liked to write like me and forced me to think realistically.

Then, when I needed help the most, my symptoms overcame me. I couldn’t keep my appointments. Soon, I drifted into depression, experiencing unfamiliar anxiety. Years passed, and eventually I had time to reflect on missed opportunities.

Looking back, I realized that therapy in my twenties was the most influential. Today, I’m realizing what I wish I’d done before leaving abruptly.

An overnight termination meant one major disadvantage: no identifying the individual successes. No time to acknowledge how far I'd come. So, instead of focusing my attention on breaking free from self-destructive behaviors, I drifted away from therapy, preparing to destroy all the progress I’d made.

I could’ve focused on the time my recovery efforts were recognized in public, or the fact that my mood, which had stabilized, led to more people liking me. Instead, without a clear head and a written document detailing my progress, I was lost, directionless, bored, and unfocused.

In weeks, I became a daily cannabis abuser, consuming up to an ounce of marijuana a month. Why, you’d wonder? Because therapy is a highly structured process. The last sessions are as significant as the beginning, and without a planned termination, it wasn’t surprising that I lost sight of the importance of protecting my mental health.

Goals get reviewed and updated every three to six months. My goals were helpful, but some refreshment and re-envisioning could have gone a long way towards securing my mental stability.

Instead, I abandoned therapy before accomplishing my existing goals, which meant I never had a chance to create new ones, and due to illness, I wasn’t motivated to do it myself.

The consequences? Once again: confusion. I spent months in a hazy depressed online world of multi-player first-person shooter-style combat, never finding any real pleasure, never taking actual steps forward. In less than a year, I found myself browsing a pro-choice suicide forum for depressed people who wanted to die, and had completely lost sight of any hope for the future.

Goals are one of the most important aspects of therapy. Not updating them before departing is bad news—the equivalent of living underground. Sadly, I failed to acknowledge this distinction. Consequently, I’m still suffering from spending time without goals.

If only I’d worked up the nerve to channel my anger into exercise.

If only I’d applied techniques towards relaxing when I get heated.

So much would’ve gone differently. This much I know.

I worked on anger before—not at the end. Towards the end of my sessions, I was reeling from the rage, teetering back and forth on the brink of a full-blown mental health crisis. These feelings came from not realizing that anger was embedded deeply into my life crises. Months of hard work were required to exit therapy in peace.

Therapy is the place to work on anger, and addressing anger at the end of sessions is a nice way to walk away refreshed. To this day, I’m still feeling the effects of repressed anger. If only I’d tackled the problem with my best therapist, I wouldn’t be so sore.

My experiences are proof that leaving therapy abruptly is a mistake, and many of the problems one has after therapy could be avoided if sessions end more naturally.

It’s a gradual process that works best. Reviewing progress before termination ensures both the therapist and the client are on the same page, and helps the participant understand how far they’ve come. While having existing goals is helpful, setting new goals feels more refreshing, and helps to keep people who leave therapy on the right path. Finally, working on resolving negative emotions like anger can prevent self-destructive behaviors after therapy and keep people feeling stable.

No one should have to leave therapy before it’s time. I was that client who did, repeatedly, and trust me, the regrets are thoughts that stick around for years.

Kevin Brown is a mental health writer and the editor of The Therapy World Blog at www.kevinbwriting.com.