Why Having Self-Esteem Goals Kept Me Active in Therapy

Self-esteem took up a lot of time in my therapy appointments.

When I wasn't discussing intrusive thoughts, I opened up about self-critical views, beliefs that I should die or wasn't worthy of life. 

It was obvious early on that I internalized harsh feedback. At times, I spent hours dwelling on painful remarks, so I wasn't surprised when my therapist confronted my self-hatred. 

Most sessions were heartfelt dialogues about self-harm and relationships with people I knew. Instances where I felt like my life didn't matter. I would present one reason why I felt people didn't like me, then my therapist would suggest I couldn't be so sure. 

Naturally, progress took learning to get used to self-compassion. Learning to like myself after having survived a battle that left me broken. I wouldn't know it at the time, but twenty years would pass before I valued myself as a man. 

Looking back on that realization, I knew I needed time. A question stirred in my mind: 

What benefit was there to having self-esteem goals for therapy?

There are plenty worth mentioning. We know that for adolescents with behavioral health issues, self-esteem is essential to recovery.  As a process of acceptance, good self-esteem is the ultimate guide, a precursor to a better life. 

But we're talking about depression at its worst, accompanied by schizophrenia-like symptoms. In this case, self-esteem produced one gift greater than all others. 

I liked myself enough to become nearly obsessed with being busy. Even through the worst of times, I realized that busyness was wellness.

Boredom was the most difficult challenge I faced during my period of teenage institutionalization. 

Boredom was common. because I was depressed and without energy. So there were plenty of times I couldn't focus on group activities, outings, or any responsibility requiring focus. 

But a solution presented itself early in my treatment. Right around the time people were beginning to care, my goals and a treatment plan were created and discussed with me at length. Simply having an idea that self-esteem was important inspired my writing and improved my overall well-being. 

Eventually, I learned that good self-esteem stops boredom. Good self-esteem stimulates. Good self-esteem uplifts. Good self-esteem even reframes your thinking.

Naturally, I was more likely to feel healthy if I embraced my likable qualities. But having good self-esteem when you're at your worst is nowhere near easy.

To start, I began hearing about some self-esteem goals that my therapist had prepared. Typically, therapy clients undergo routine re-evaluations where a team of experts will reassess their goals and treatment plan.

One goal I was to focus on was accepting a compliment with a smile or thank-you. The entire point of this exercise was to help me restore a positive self-image.

Of course, these were small steps.  But my trauma was great. Simply being human would transform me and give me reason to feel likeable and less depressed. With good-self-esteem, I knew I could change my life. Ultimately, I'd spend less time dwelling on my past.

The plan was a huge hit that changed my days. Instead of writing vengeful diaries, I read novels and studied writing. Instead of doing nothing in the day room, I advanced in my work-in-progress. In the end, I completed a manuscript in treatment.

Good self-esteem helped me believe in myself, an advantage that inspired countless days of creativity and gigantic steps forward in my treatment. I didn't have to complete a bunch of exercises or spend all day writing self-affirmations. I only had to gently remind myself that I was deserving enough to be friendly when someone complimented me.

A close examination of my progress revealed additional effects of striving for good self-esteem that helped me feel better and assisted me in preventing relapse.

In the behavioral health facility where I lived, negativity was common. There were fights, outbursts, drama, and chaos that would consume the entire building.

The negativity wasn't far from me, either. At times, my roommate and I discussed the experiences that made us angry. Doing so proved counterproductive because we simply took turns feeding into each other's negativity. 

But occassionally, my self-esteem came to mind and helped me redirect negative energy.

There were a few changes I noticed:

• I felt guilty when I was negative
• I felt guilty putting myself down
• I felt guilty wasting my time
• I felt guilty hating myself

Guilt inspired me to change how I thought about myself, which forced me to channel my negative energy into productive, mentally stimulating tasks.

I was there because of sickness. I was there because I was broken. But most importantly, I was a resident at a Sheppard Pratt RTC because I was human.

Like any human, focusing on liking myself more lifted the self-stigma. Instead of thinking of myself as some alien, I learned to value the human aspects of my personality.

For example:

• I learned to like that I bounced back
• I learned to like my sense of loyalty
• I learned to like my intelligence
• I learned to like that I cared so much

With a clear self-esteem goal, I learned to like the qualities about myself that made me a decent human being. Few beliefs will motivate you more.

I can easily draw comparisons between my best self of today, and my best self from years prior. In both cases, good self-esteem was the reason for my growth and stability.

In both cases, I increased my productivity, improved my mood, and boosted my self-awareness. All because I focused on liking myself more.

Building self-esteem doesn't take fifty self-affirmations a day. Nor does it mean covering your walls with stickers to remind yourself of your strengths.

But having good self-esteem does start with showing others appreciation when they share a special sentiment. When the world is being nice, the way you view yourself can make or break you.

Throughout my early treatment, I had ups and downs. But one thing was sure: my best days came when I embraced good self-esteem.

Tell me, what happened when you leaned to focus on having good self-esteem?